The Freedom of Brutal Honesty

Lying is Powered by Fear

The first time I can remember telling a lie was to my mother when I was five. My father had a Vicks inhaler on his dresser that I innocently happened upon one day. I had never seen anything like this before. Being curious, I picked it up and pulled the cap off. I didn’t know how it use it properly and I didn’t really know its purpose, but it smelled good, so I put it my pocket and made it mine. Later that day, my mother asked me if I had seen the inhaler. I instantly froze. I didn’t know if I was in trouble or not. I hesitated and then I said, “No.” There it was. A lie. Why did I lie? I assumed my mother’s question meant taking the inhaler was a bad thing. Admitting to taking it, therefore, made me bad. Being bad would have made me unlovable in my mind and I couldn’t bare not being loved by my mother, so I lied.

All lies are powered by fear-the fear of not being good enough or believing we are lacking in some way, which leads us to the fear of not being loved. The training we received when we are young about who we are and how we are leads us to believe we are defective in many ways. This is not true – none of us is defective. But, we believe we are so we act like it’s true and are then threatened by any situation that validates our supposed defects. The problem is that we also believe defective people are not lovable. But, this belief holds no truth for the mere fact that no one is defective making the statement not only untrue, but completely pointless. You can see that because of our training, we couldn’t possibly love ourselves – the one who is defective, deficient and unworthy of love. That means we have to have others love us; we are completely dependent on it and anything that threatens that love is worth a lie.

We all lie. In fact, science has shown we lie in one-fifth of our daily interactions and from 10-200 times per day. Some are called white lies, others are called bold-faced lies, but they are all untruths nonetheless. Don’t be tricked into thinking that one lie is worse than another or that there are exceptions to the origin of lies. Believing this is the mind’s way of throwing you off course so you don’t realize your own mind is lying to you about you. Don’t be fooled for another moment. Lies come from fear. Period. The thing we have to understand is the fear that drives us to lie isn’t real because the foundation for the fear is a lie- that we aren’t good enough. So, when we understand this, we also understand there is no need for lies. Most of us just haven’t made those connections yet which means we haven’t remembered the powerful truth about who we really are.

Knowing where lies come from and why we feel the need to tell any lie at all is the basis for understanding each other and ourselves, working together to build bonds out of truth and not fear and ultimately remembering that there is nothing wrong with us. This opens up the opportunity for us to remember that we are okay just the way we are and that we are worthy of love – not from others, but from ourselves. Honesty is freedom from the fear of not being loved.

Honesty and Freedom

We don’t just lie to others; we lie to ourselves. Our financial situation may not be where we want it, we might not like our job or our relationship isn’t as great as we hoped it would be. And yet, we make excuses, or tell ourselves lies, so we don’t have to deal with these challenges. It seems easier to us to avoid reality by pretending the situations aren’t there or that they aren’t as bad as they seem. But, what if we were just brutally honest with ourselves and others? Wouldn’t life be easier and more enjoyable?

Imagine, for a moment, that you feel good enough, that you no longer believe you are defective in any way. You know in your heart you are equally valuable, capable and lovable. What’s more .¨ you even love yourself which means you accept yourself as you are. Now, what in your life is detrimental? Is making a mistake detrimental? Is being late to an appointment detrimental? Is not being accepted by others detrimental? Is not being loved by another detrimental? If we believed we are as great as we really are, there wouldn’t be any motivation for lying because nothing would be detrimental, especially the fear of not being loved. If we remember we are already, and always have been good enough, we automatically know we are love itself. We no longer need to secure love from others because we are secure in the love within ourselves. Now, we can just love others without fear, or conditions because unconditional love is true love. In fact, there is no such thing as conditional love; this is just fear with a fancy name. Unconditional love is freedom.

Let’s face it, honesty is only brutal to the trained mind whose entire agenda is to tell lies about you, others and your life. Honesty is natural and normal to the power of a heart-based life where nothing is feared. In the place where we know who we truly are, nothing can be lost, which means nothing is detrimental, because we are everything there is to be – the frequency of love manifested into a particular being on a particular planet in a particular dimension – nothing more, nothing less. To the true us – our soul self, the lower frequency of lying is out of sync with our natural high frequency and this creates a state of dissonance within. That’s why lying is stressful on any level.

Brutal honesty brings freedom from the stress of lying, of having to be accepted, of convincing yourself and others that you are good enough and hoping you are deserving of love. This is where healing occurs .¨ automatically. Nothing more needs to be done. To bring about much needed healing then, we just need to see that the way we have been trained to think about ourselves just doesn’t work for us. It doesn’t enhance our relationships, our jobs or our health in any way. Awareness brings clarity. Clarity is healing.

It is time for us to question what we have been taught about ourselves and investigate the origin of our beliefs. Here is where we create the space between repetitive patterns of thinking that have nothing to do with truth and the brutal honesty of the heart – the one who knows we are and always have been good enough. When we reach a place in our lives where we are no longer afraid we are not good enough, our lives change drastically for the better.

The Benefits of Brutal Honesty

I have already noted that brutal honesty brings us freedom. I know this first hand. In the past, if I made what I considered a mistake or did something I thought someone else would consider a mistake, my mind went into action trying to defend or explain it. Sometimes a small lie that made me less culpable seemed like the best course of action so that I would still be accepted, highly thought of or good enough. But, the lie wasn’t just about being accepted by others, it was about being accepted by me .¨ by my own mind.

Over the years, I have gained a lot of clarity on what we have been taught to believe versus what the truth is. One of the things I now know is that my mind is never going to accept me. Why? Because it’s foundation is that I am not good enough and it will never let me believe that I am. If I did, that would be the end of the minds’ idea of my life. So, I can’t listen to my mind if I am going to be free from it. Being brutally honest means passing right through the trained beliefs and thoughts and going directly to the truth of who I am- someone who is good enough. This is also freedom. It takes practice, but you can do it.

Being brutally honest makes life real. When we are lying, we are living in the mind as we constantly work to overcome the thoughts we have about ourselves and others. Thinking isn’t living; it’s just thinking. Living means being real and the best way to get real is to be honest. Being honest means no longer being afraid of being who you are.

Brutal honesty keeps you from hiding from the truth. That may seem simple, but the truth is simple. When we don’t have to hide from people we lied to, keep track of our white lies or make up stories so protect our reputation, value or love of another, we are free from fear. Now we can openly go through our days stress free, knowing we are okay .¨ that all is well. Brutal honesty also allows others to deal with their reaction to situations. Some of us lie to protect others, but this is not protection. It’s seeing someone as fragile or unworthy of dealing with life. Where is the love in that? We must allow others the chance to be strong and to deal with their own situations in a way that helps them remember they are powerful creators just like we are.

Finally, brutal honesty means we respect others. If we are no longer afraid of not being good enough, we can tell people who we are and how we are without fear of retribution. But, more than anything, brutal honesty means we respect ourselves. This is part of accepting ourselves and loving ourselves. It is time to heal the wounds of our early training. It is time to know the truth – and to do that we start with honesty.